Home | How It Works | Stats Login | Register         Go Back                 Case Posted on November 23, 2012 2:27 am Add to Favorites Yasar Bodur Reps: 618 Her Parents or Her Boyfriend As a high school teacher, somehow I always hated when students opened up to me and shared with me things that they could not share with anyone else. It was one of those things again when Emily, a White 11th grader, wanted to talk to me. She said she wanted to talk to me about something important and that she needed my help. I am a caring teacher, so I listened. She has been dating an African American student named Willy and she is really in love with him. Willy loves her too. They want to go to the same college and get married after graduating. The problem is Emily has not been able to tell her family about this relationship. She said that her father is not very fond of Black people, and that there is no way he would approve this relationship. She asked me to talk to her parents. I told her that I could not do it. She, then said, she would either kill herself or run away from her house if somebody did not convince her parents. I have to do something, but what? Please advice.                 Submit a Possible Solution Please read response(s) below (if any) before posting your solution.                 Solution 1 Posted November 27, 2012 10:52 am Adam Vandenhouten Reps: 97 This is a situation that sounds like you need to get the help of a school counselor. I agree with you that it is not your place to try to convince her parents that she is doing the right thing. I think it is good that you listened to her problem but there must be a line drawn between school and home. Maybe after speaking with the school counselor, the both of you could call her parents and just explain that she is threatening suicide.They may not even know there is an issue. Also, both of you could talk with the student and give her some strategies on how she could handle her problem differently and the effects it would have on her family and her boyfriend if she committed suicide. Votes: +23 / -0 This Solution Is Useful   This Solution Is Not Useful   Comments posted for this solution Add a Comment                 Solution 2 Posted December 9, 2012 10:45 pm Suzi Hancock Reps: 134 I'm pretty sure you have to turn this one over to the guidance counselor. This is way out of your jurisdiction! Seek help from the administration for both Emily and yourself. You don't need to get involved in something so serious. This particular issue is way above your pay grade, so let the professionals handle this issue. Votes: +22 / -3 This Solution Is Useful   This Solution Is Not Useful   Comments posted for this solution neHaGy Reps: 200 This is an great solution! i will definitely use this in my classroom.   Posted on: October 2, 2015 6:34 pm WeDyje Reps: 100 I agree with this solution   Posted on: July 8, 2018 1:45 pm Add a Comment                 Solution 3 Posted December 1, 2012 11:18 am David Sanders Reps: 143 I agree with one of my peers, get the school counselor involved. You are responsible for the student at this point because she has threatened suicide and this prevents you from denying knowledge of the situation. On another note, if I knew the students parents as I should, I might consider discussing the situation with the parents, assuming I had my supervisors permission. Parents tend to be less racially prejudice in front of the public (ie a teacher) and might actually give one an opportunity to discuss the issue. One must be remindered that the chances that young adults will say committed to a relationship for five year through college is remote, unless opposition drives them together. Votes: +10 / -3 This Solution Is Useful   This Solution Is Not Useful   Comments posted for this solution Add a Comment                 Solution 4 Posted December 1, 2012 4:49 pm eRuLys Reps: 16 This situation is a situation that I have seen personally happen while I was in high school and with a family member. Its not my place to convince the parents about the relationship. I would refer the students to the school's counselor, with me along to show support. I would not intervene anymore into this situation. The only way I would intervene into the situation if I notice the students grades were dropping dramatically, and either saw some from of abuse upon the student. Votes: +4 / -0 This Solution Is Useful   This Solution Is Not Useful   Comments posted for this solution neHaGy Reps: 200 This is an great solution! i will definitely use this in my classroom.   Posted on: October 2, 2015 6:34 pm Add a Comment                 Solution 5 Posted December 7, 2012 9:43 pm Art Buff Reps: 111 This is not a situation you handle yourself. Go immediately to the school counselor with this information. This is not a violation of trust between student and teacher. She has made a threat against herself and her well being and although it may be nothing more than typical teenage angst, in today's schools you cannot afford to take these kinds of things lightly. It is also most certainly not your responsibility to tell her parents that she is dating a boy of a different ethnicity. Tell the school counselor and let him/her handle the situation from there. Votes: +2 / -0 This Solution Is Useful   This Solution Is Not Useful   Comments posted for this solution Add a Comment                 Solution 6 Posted December 4, 2012 2:31 pm Sha'keela McClendon Reps: 141 I agree with all of my peers, you should get the school's counselor involved. Now that the student has told you of her plan to kill herself, you have an obligation to protect that student. I wouldn't go talk to the Emily's parents until after she has sat down with the counselor. Until then I would offer my support for Emily. She needs you when she decides to tell her parents about her boyfriend. Do not let this situation slip and this student slip from your hands. Votes: +0 / -0 This Solution Is Useful   This Solution Is Not Useful   Comments posted for this solution Add a Comment                 Solution 7 Posted December 8, 2012 2:37 pm areli saucedo Reps: 119 As a teacher, it is not your duty to guide Emily psychologically. That would be something that would no be considered in your field. Instead, If I were you, I would tell Emily, that she needs to speak with the counselor and explain her situation. I am confident that the counselor would be able to gather her parents and speak to Emily about the problem. Counselors know how to resolve these kind of issues, She would be able to assist Emily and aid her in coping with her problem, Votes: +0 / -0 This Solution Is Useful   This Solution Is Not Useful   Comments posted for this solution Add a Comment                 Solution 8 Posted December 8, 2012 2:39 pm Ariane Anderson Reps: 114 I would differently inform the school counselor and make her aware of the situation. Then schedule an appointment for Emily to meet with the school counselor. I would also schedule a separate appointment for Emily's parents to meet with me and the school counselor. The third meeting will be a group meeting with Emily and her parents to discuss the situation and to find a solution. Votes: +0 / -0 This Solution Is Useful   This Solution Is Not Useful   Comments posted for this solution Add a Comment                 Solution 9 Posted December 8, 2012 9:38 pm Anna Washinger Reps: 121 In this situation, I would have to get the school counselor involved. I would go to the counselor with Emily to show my support. Maybe then the parents could be contacted and Emily could talk to them calmly and rationally about her relationship. If the parents become involved, it is no longer in your hands and will be an issue that Emily and her family have to work out. It is such a tough situation especially when the student is threatening to harm themselves, but once you do all that you can, there is nothing more you can do. Votes: +0 / -0 This Solution Is Useful   This Solution Is Not Useful   Comments posted for this solution Add a Comment                 Solution 10 Posted February 18, 2013 1:04 am Kimberly Sands Reps: 60 I'm not an educator yet, but I have often found myself as the person others turn to for advice. It can be a very frustrating experience at times, or in this case alarming. My own personal advice would be to immediately alert a counselor to the situation in private, and to have her discuss with you potential options you should try to implement with this student. I would try these out, just you and the student first, without the student knowing you sought out the counselor. It seems that this student really trusts you, and I wouldn't want her to feel betrayed by you or act drastically. If you try these solutions from your counselor and find the situation doesn't improve, I would then have the counselor intervene and call the parents in to inform them of the situation. Hopefully the student won't lose trust in you, but I think that it's better for her to be upset with you then follow through on her threat. Votes: +0 / -0 This Solution Is Useful   This Solution Is Not Useful   Comments posted for this solution Add a Comment                 Solution 11 Posted February 17, 2015 1:30 am aGuvuL Reps: 101 As a teacher, you are mandated to report any sign of abuse. Suicide is abuse. Votes: +0 / -0 This Solution Is Useful   This Solution Is Not Useful   Comments posted for this solution Add a Comment                 Solution 12 Posted March 2, 2015 3:48 am Breanna Bunnell Reps: 201 Being that she has warned you that she would possibly commit suicide, I definitely believe that you should turn this over to the guidance councilor. Action needs to be taken immediately. Also, tell her that honesty is the most important thing. She needs to give her parents a chance to open up to the idea. It would be a good idea for her to have help with someone for how to go about introducing him to the family. Votes: +0 / -0 This Solution Is Useful   This Solution Is Not Useful   Comments posted for this solution Add a Comment                 Solution 13 Posted March 15, 2015 1:44 am eXeNum Reps: 103 The first thing you need to do is contact the school counselor immediately. If a student threatens self-harm, it is considered an emergency. It is important to share the details of the conversation with the school counselor and with the parents, even if your student gets angry with you. As teachers, it is wonderful that our students feel comfortable sharing details of their lives with us because that means that they trust that we want what's best for them. However, our responsibility is to the students' wellness as a whole, and if that requires sacrificing their trust for their benefit and safety, then that's what must be done. Votes: +0 / -0 This Solution Is Useful   This Solution Is Not Useful   Comments posted for this solution Add a Comment                 Solution 14 Posted October 16, 2015 6:41 pm Hudyja Reps: 84 You need to go to your school's report person. You are a mandated reporter when safety issues (suicide) arise. You can get her the help she needs. Votes: +0 / -0 This Solution Is Useful   This Solution Is Not Useful   Comments posted for this solution Add a Comment                 Solution 15 Posted November 27, 2018 12:41 am ybabaJ Reps: 301 I feel like this is a situation that should be turned over to administration immediately. She has threatened to kill herself, which is an immediate need to contact the guidance counselor and other school administrators. They will contact her parents and provide the support Emily needs. Votes: +0 / -0 This Solution Is Useful   This Solution Is Not Useful   Comments posted for this solution Add a Comment                 Solution 16 Posted February 26, 2019 3:38 am eBejaP Reps: 201 I would report this to the counselor and have the counselor talk to her and the parents. this is a serious matter and I am not qualified to talk to her about those things so that is why I would tell the counselor because they would know exactly how to help this student. Votes: +0 / -0 This Solution Is Useful   This Solution Is Not Useful   Comments posted for this solution Add a Comment                 Solution 17 Posted November 4, 2022 12:29 am peXehu Reps: 202 I would enlist the help of the guidance counselor, it sounds like she may have some underlying mental health issues and it may be better left to someone who knows how to handle it. Votes: +0 / -0 This Solution Is Useful   This Solution Is Not Useful   Comments posted for this solution Add a Comment                 Solution 18 Posted November 13, 2022 2:57 pm ePaReP Reps: 202 Unfourtalney, it is not your responsibility to convince ones parents to let her date another student. It's unethical... Votes: +0 / -0 This Solution Is Useful   This Solution Is Not Useful   Comments posted for this solution Add a Comment                 Solution 19 Posted December 4, 2012 11:49 am Savanna Hayman Reps: 104 I think that Emily's parents should be aware of the situation. If she is a risk to herself or others, her parents need to know so that they can address it. While usually I would say it is none of your business, Emily has made it very clear that it now IS your business. I wouldn't say that it is your job to convince her parents to let her date Willy, but it is your job to let them be informed of the situation and let them handle it as they see fit. Votes: +0 / -1 This Solution Is Useful   This Solution Is Not Useful   Comments posted for this solution Add a Comment                 Solution 20 Posted December 6, 2012 9:04 pm Jill Graff Reps: 104 You need to speak with a counselor and whether you are there is up to you, but there is a reason she wanted to tell you. She needs an outlet for her problems and obviously can't share with her parents. It is not your job to tell the parents about this situation Emily needs to do that if she wants them to see that she wants the boy to be in her life. She should not be ashamed and I think her parents will come around in time as long as the boy has good intentions with their daughter. Votes: +0 / -1 This Solution Is Useful   This Solution Is Not Useful   Comments posted for this solution Add a Comment                 Solution 21 Posted December 8, 2012 8:00 pm Amari Hagan Reps: 115 I would tell Emily that killing herself or running will not solve the problem. Also that if she does that she will hurt people whom love her like me and Willy. I will tell her to just talk to her parents herself and tell them how she really feels about the situation. I will even tell her to tell Willy to present himself in a manner able way to her parents. I feel that soon or later her parents are going to have to accept it because she going to still date him regardless of their attitude. Votes: +0 / -1 This Solution Is Useful   This Solution Is Not Useful   Comments posted for this solution sadaze Reps: 100 I don't think that it's a good idea for the teacher to give too much advice in this situation.   Posted on: October 14, 2018 7:12 pm Add a Comment                 Solution 22 Posted December 9, 2012 9:55 pm Jessica Jacobs Graham Reps: 116 I would not get involved with the dating issue between the student and her parents. I would encourage my student to be open with her parents and talk civilly with them. I would also explain to her, that I am responsible for reporting her threats of suicide or running away to my superiors or to the parents. I would definitely not deal with this alone. I would report all that I had been told to my superior and ask their recommendations for what steps I should take next. Votes: +0 / -1 This Solution Is Useful   This Solution Is Not Useful   Comments posted for this solution Add a Comment                 Solution 23 Posted December 7, 2012 12:11 pm Jessica Oglesby Reps: 110 Wow! That is a tough situation. It is hard at times when students begin to confide in us as teachers. When a student asks to talk to me I always let them know up front that I may have to share the information that they tell me if their is any chance of anyone being hurt or harmed in anyway. I would listen to the dear student and then I would schedule a parent conference. I would get the student to tell their parents, this I would not do. I would then proceed to tell the parents the part about the girl threatening to hurt herself, this they need to know. I would tell the student if they were upset with me that I did inform her parents because I did not want anything to happen to her. Hope this helps in some way. Votes: +0 / -2 This Solution Is Useful   This Solution Is Not Useful   Comments posted for this solution neHaGy Reps: 200 This is an great solution! i will definitely use this in my classroom.   Posted on: October 2, 2015 6:35 pm Add a Comment                 Solution 24 Posted December 9, 2012 5:22 pm John Buxton Reps: 114 Tell the school counselor and let them do their job. Other than trying to encourage Emily, there is nothing you can do in this situation. Your only option here is to speak an encouraging word to her and tell the counselor about the situation ASAP. Votes: +0 / -2 This Solution Is Useful   This Solution Is Not Useful   Comments posted for this solution eQyVuj Reps: 200 I would tell a school personnel asap. The amount of situations that occur each year like this could have been prevented if somone was there to help an individual through these "tough" high school events.   Posted on: March 1, 2015 3:41 am neHaGy Reps: 200 This is an great solution! i will definitely use this in my classroom.   Posted on: October 2, 2015 6:35 pm Add a Comment                 Submit a Possible Solution Please read response(s) below (if any) before posting your solution.