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  Case: Don't Hold Hands
Ade and Elsa are two 7th grade girls from Indonesia who joined our school couple months ago. I teach them Physical Science. They have well-developed English skills. Although they have an accent, they can communicate with teachers and fellow students. I am very sensitive to the needs of newly-arrived immigrant students, so I paid close attention when I heard rumors from other students about them. Students started spreading that Ade and Elsa were in a lesbian relationship. Apparently Ade and Elsa heard about the rumors; they came to me in tears. I asked them to tell me what was going on. What I found out was very interesting. Ade and Elsa have known each other since they were small children and they have always been best friends. Their families decided to move to the US together. Their fathers applied for jobs in the same company. They both received offers and moved together. Ade and Elsa were excited about going to the same school in US and continuing their friendship. In Indonesia, same-gender friends holding hands is very common and indicates friendship. When children at our school saw Ade and Elsa holding hands they thought that Ade and Elsa were in a lesbian relationship. I have to do something about this. I see two options before me: I will explain to the children in my classes that friends holding hands in some cultures is completely normal, or I will tell Ade and Elsa to not hold hands to avoid these rumors. The second option seems culturally insensitive, but if Ade and Elsa continue holding hands, rumors will continue even if I explain to my students the cultural side of their friendship. What should I do? If you have an original solution to this issue, please advice.
Solution: (Rates are posted for this solution!)
I think it is unfortunate how fast our culture jumps to conclusions, me included. I would apologize to Ade and Elsa on behalf of their classmates. Then I would let them know that I was going to try to help the other students understand, and I would need Ade and Elsa to be kind of quiet at first during the class discussion. I would begin the conversation with my students by asking them all to describe ways they interact with their friends, both now and in the past. I would ask what they like to do together, how they show each other they care for one another, how they talk to each other, etc. I would think that eventually someone would mention that they hug and/or hold hands. This would be evidence that friends of all sorts behave this way at times. We could then talk about each of these interactions and discuss how different cultures interact differently. We need to be careful what we assume based on appearances. It would also be important to explain to the students that calling someone a lesbian should not be used as an insult, even if they disagree with that lifestyle.