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  Case: Don't Hold Hands
Ade and Elsa are two 7th grade girls from Indonesia who joined our school couple months ago. I teach them Physical Science. They have well-developed English skills. Although they have an accent, they can communicate with teachers and fellow students. I am very sensitive to the needs of newly-arrived immigrant students, so I paid close attention when I heard rumors from other students about them. Students started spreading that Ade and Elsa were in a lesbian relationship. Apparently Ade and Elsa heard about the rumors; they came to me in tears. I asked them to tell me what was going on. What I found out was very interesting. Ade and Elsa have known each other since they were small children and they have always been best friends. Their families decided to move to the US together. Their fathers applied for jobs in the same company. They both received offers and moved together. Ade and Elsa were excited about going to the same school in US and continuing their friendship. In Indonesia, same-gender friends holding hands is very common and indicates friendship. When children at our school saw Ade and Elsa holding hands they thought that Ade and Elsa were in a lesbian relationship. I have to do something about this. I see two options before me: I will explain to the children in my classes that friends holding hands in some cultures is completely normal, or I will tell Ade and Elsa to not hold hands to avoid these rumors. The second option seems culturally insensitive, but if Ade and Elsa continue holding hands, rumors will continue even if I explain to my students the cultural side of their friendship. What should I do? If you have an original solution to this issue, please advice.
Solution: (Rates are posted for this solution!)
Unfortunately, explaining to students the cultural side of their friendship and why they hold hands will probably not solve all of the problems or stop all of the talking, but I still think that is the only appropriate solution to the problem. After all, there is nothing wrong with what Ade and Elsa are doing and to make them stop would, to put it one way, "punish the victim." Students who are making harsh judgements about others (not to mention indulging in homophobic bullying) are the ones that need to learn from the experience. Hopefully, if even only a few students really understand what the teacher is trying to explain, those students can help spread the idea of cultural sensitivity and appreciation for diversity. I believe that, if presented in the right way (for example, as a thoughtful conversation, rather than a chastising lecture), this could be a wonderful learning opportunity for the students who were making fun of the girls. I would suggest a unit on Indonesia, during which Ade and Elsa could share some of the great things about their country. Then, the idea of hand holding among friends could be explored as part of the richer, more vibrant context of Indonesia as a whole.