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  Case: Don't Hold Hands
Ade and Elsa are two 7th grade girls from Indonesia who joined our school couple months ago. I teach them Physical Science. They have well-developed English skills. Although they have an accent, they can communicate with teachers and fellow students. I am very sensitive to the needs of newly-arrived immigrant students, so I paid close attention when I heard rumors from other students about them. Students started spreading that Ade and Elsa were in a lesbian relationship. Apparently Ade and Elsa heard about the rumors; they came to me in tears. I asked them to tell me what was going on. What I found out was very interesting. Ade and Elsa have known each other since they were small children and they have always been best friends. Their families decided to move to the US together. Their fathers applied for jobs in the same company. They both received offers and moved together. Ade and Elsa were excited about going to the same school in US and continuing their friendship. In Indonesia, same-gender friends holding hands is very common and indicates friendship. When children at our school saw Ade and Elsa holding hands they thought that Ade and Elsa were in a lesbian relationship. I have to do something about this. I see two options before me: I will explain to the children in my classes that friends holding hands in some cultures is completely normal, or I will tell Ade and Elsa to not hold hands to avoid these rumors. The second option seems culturally insensitive, but if Ade and Elsa continue holding hands, rumors will continue even if I explain to my students the cultural side of their friendship. What should I do? If you have an original solution to this issue, please advice.
Solution: (Rates are posted for this solution!)
The first option of explaining to the other children that same gender hand holding is an acceptable display of friendship would be the appropriate choice. For example, as shown in the Lost Boys documentary it is even acceptable for males in some cultures to hold hands as well. However, I do believe it is important for the girls to understand the reasons for the rumors. I find it interesting that in our society when small children of the same gender hold hands, everyone thinks it is cute. However, as children get older it is no longer cute, and becomes unacceptable to most. The girls need to be mindful that with any action there will always be those who support it and those who oppose it. I would recommend the girls speak with a counselor to help them understand why the rumors are spreading. They can then make a choice to continue their hand holding or conform to the American culture and refrain from holding hands while at school. As far as the rumors being spread, it is simply a form of bullying that should be addressed by administration and the counselors. Since many schools have anti-bullying campaigns anyway, it would not seem out of the ordinary to address these issues at a school level. As others have already posted, creating a cultural lesson would fit right in with the middle school social studies curriculum, especially in 7th grade. Having students research signs of friendships in various cultures would make an interesting topic for the students to research and present.