Home | How It Works | Stats Login | Register         Case: Don't Hold Hands Ade and Elsa are two 7th grade girls from Indonesia who joined our school couple months ago. I teach them Physical Science. They have well-developed English skills. Although they have an accent, they can communicate with teachers and fellow students. I am very sensitive to the needs of newly-arrived immigrant students, so I paid close attention when I heard rumors from other students about them. Students started spreading that Ade and Elsa were in a lesbian relationship. Apparently Ade and Elsa heard about the rumors; they came to me in tears. I asked them to tell me what was going on. What I found out was very interesting. Ade and Elsa have known each other since they were small children and they have always been best friends. Their families decided to move to the US together. Their fathers applied for jobs in the same company. They both received offers and moved together. Ade and Elsa were excited about going to the same school in US and continuing their friendship. In Indonesia, same-gender friends holding hands is very common and indicates friendship. When children at our school saw Ade and Elsa holding hands they thought that Ade and Elsa were in a lesbian relationship. I have to do something about this. I see two options before me: I will explain to the children in my classes that friends holding hands in some cultures is completely normal, or I will tell Ade and Elsa to not hold hands to avoid these rumors. The second option seems culturally insensitive, but if Ade and Elsa continue holding hands, rumors will continue even if I explain to my students the cultural side of their friendship. What should I do? If you have an original solution to this issue, please advice. Solution: (Rates are posted for this solution!) I would approach this matter from both sides. I would first talk with my other students and explain to them how "other" cultures do things that are different from our culture. Some of these will appear on the surface to be a direct conflict with the American way of thinking such as the 2 girls holding hands. An example that I have used in my science classes is with African tribes using dried animal dung as fuel for fires. My young students almost blow the roof off of the class when this example is provided because they cannot even begin to fathom touching waste, much less burning it. By educating the population they may begin to understand why the provided example is happening even if they do not accept it. on the other side I would counsel the 2 girls as to why the rumors are occurring. Just as their culture needs explaining to their classmates, their classmates culture should be explained to them as well. Telling them to stop holding hands would be akin to suppressing what they have known all their lives and would do little to help them understand the actions of their classmates. By providing them with reasoning behind what is going on you may be able to provide them with clarity on the issue and allow them to choose what actions they wish to take concerning the matter.