Home | How It Works | Stats Login | Register         Case: Don't Hold Hands Ade and Elsa are two 7th grade girls from Indonesia who joined our school couple months ago. I teach them Physical Science. They have well-developed English skills. Although they have an accent, they can communicate with teachers and fellow students. I am very sensitive to the needs of newly-arrived immigrant students, so I paid close attention when I heard rumors from other students about them. Students started spreading that Ade and Elsa were in a lesbian relationship. Apparently Ade and Elsa heard about the rumors; they came to me in tears. I asked them to tell me what was going on. What I found out was very interesting. Ade and Elsa have known each other since they were small children and they have always been best friends. Their families decided to move to the US together. Their fathers applied for jobs in the same company. They both received offers and moved together. Ade and Elsa were excited about going to the same school in US and continuing their friendship. In Indonesia, same-gender friends holding hands is very common and indicates friendship. When children at our school saw Ade and Elsa holding hands they thought that Ade and Elsa were in a lesbian relationship. I have to do something about this. I see two options before me: I will explain to the children in my classes that friends holding hands in some cultures is completely normal, or I will tell Ade and Elsa to not hold hands to avoid these rumors. The second option seems culturally insensitive, but if Ade and Elsa continue holding hands, rumors will continue even if I explain to my students the cultural side of their friendship. What should I do? If you have an original solution to this issue, please advice. Solution: (Rates are posted for this solution!) If I were Ade and Elsa's teacher, I think it would be beneficial to implement both options that you have recommended. First, I would want to sit down with both of their parents and explain the situation that is going on at school and why the students are saying the things that they are saying about Ade and Elsa. This gives the family an idea about what hand holding in our culture looks like to the other students. Then I would explain to the parents that I would like to use this situation as a learning experience for the other students by asking them to do projects on other places in the world and their culture and how it is similar and different from their own culture. I think this would be an eye opening experience for other students who are being culturally insensitive and may not even realize it. I think then Ade and Elsa can make the decision to hold hands at school or to refrain from holding hands. After the project is over, I would address any other issues with students who continue to spread untrue rumors abut their culture with a consequence. I think it is important to not only model respect, but be consistent with what it means to show mutual respect to your peers.