Home | How It Works | Stats Login | Register         Case: Unclear Future In my many years of teaching high school, I have seen all types of students. Noora, a student from Pakistan, was one of the most special students. She was definitely one of the most intelligent I have had. She also had an extraordinary work ethic and interpersonal skills. When other students in her class had difficulty with any subject, Noora was there to help them. I thought she had a very bright future. Knowing her strong skills and knowledge in math and sciences, I thought she would go to a prestigious university. One day I decided to talk to Noora about her future plans and I was shocked by what I heard. She said that two months after graduating from high school, she was going to get married to the son of a family friend. She did not seem very disturbed by this. I went to talk to Noora's parents to explain to them what a great student she was and why they should reconsider their decision to marry her at such a young age. I told them that what they were doing was unfair. The very next day Noora's family sent a formal complaint letter to my school principal stating that I was being disrespectful their culture, and that it is their business to decide their daughter's future, not the teacher's. I was devastated when the principal informed me about this. I thought I was being a good teacher. I still do not want to give up on Noora's future. What should I do? Solution: (Rates are posted for this solution!) This is such a tricky situation. Apparently, Noora is from a culture that does not fully respect women's rights, and it can be difficult, as supporters or those rights, to let a student be treated unfairly or not be allowed to live up to her full potential. However, there is a difference between a teacher and a parent; there are limitations to the role we can play in a student's life. Therefore, while I would discuss Noora's potential with her parents and discuss possible post-high school opportunities she could have, to go so far as to tell them they were being "unfair" crosses a line and really closes the door for communication. Had the matter been approached more tactfully, her parents might have listened to the teacher's suggestions. Now, they probably won't. To repair the situation, I would go see the parents again, apologize for my behavior, and explain why I felt so passionately about Noora's potential. I would also ask them why they feel so passionately about Noora getting married right after high school; they might have a solid reason that I hadn't yet considered. For example, maybe it was Noora's decision to get married, or maybe she agreed with her parents. The important thing to remember is simple: if you want to be listened to, you must first listen.