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Case: Unclear Future In my many years of teaching high school, I have seen all types of students. Noora, a student from Pakistan, was one of the most special students. She was definitely one of the most intelligent I have had. She also had an extraordinary work ethic and interpersonal skills. When other students in her class had difficulty with any subject, Noora was there to help them. I thought she had a very bright future. Knowing her strong skills and knowledge in math and sciences, I thought she would go to a prestigious university. One day I decided to talk to Noora about her future plans and I was shocked by what I heard. She said that two months after graduating from high school, she was going to get married to the son of a family friend. She did not seem very disturbed by this. I went to talk to Noora's parents to explain to them what a great student she was and why they should reconsider their decision to marry her at such a young age. I told them that what they were doing was unfair. The very next day Noora's family sent a formal complaint letter to my school principal stating that I was being disrespectful their culture, and that it is their business to decide their daughter's future, not the teacher's. I was devastated when the principal informed me about this. I thought I was being a good teacher. I still do not want to give up on Noora's future. What should I do? Solution: (Rates are posted for this solution!) I agree completely that Noora's marriage is something that is too soon and her education and independence is something she needs to find within herself first. With that being said, I think your intentions were good, but it was out of turn. I better approach may have been to speak to parents solely of her educational future to reassure yourself that her parents indeed understood their options for post-secondary education. Unfortunately as educators we do not have the authority to make judgment calls such as this. I think it is our job to ensure that the family understands their options but we must respect their culture and way of life. I have learned in my few years of teaching that praising family's on their good efforts goes a long way. Your approach was from the heart and with good intentions, but a more subtle approach may have come across less harsh. |
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