Home | How It Works | Stats Login | Register         Case: Unclear Future In my many years of teaching high school, I have seen all types of students. Noora, a student from Pakistan, was one of the most special students. She was definitely one of the most intelligent I have had. She also had an extraordinary work ethic and interpersonal skills. When other students in her class had difficulty with any subject, Noora was there to help them. I thought she had a very bright future. Knowing her strong skills and knowledge in math and sciences, I thought she would go to a prestigious university. One day I decided to talk to Noora about her future plans and I was shocked by what I heard. She said that two months after graduating from high school, she was going to get married to the son of a family friend. She did not seem very disturbed by this. I went to talk to Noora's parents to explain to them what a great student she was and why they should reconsider their decision to marry her at such a young age. I told them that what they were doing was unfair. The very next day Noora's family sent a formal complaint letter to my school principal stating that I was being disrespectful their culture, and that it is their business to decide their daughter's future, not the teacher's. I was devastated when the principal informed me about this. I thought I was being a good teacher. I still do not want to give up on Noora's future. What should I do? Solution: (Rates are posted for this solution!) This is a difficult situation on the personal level. It is hard to want something for our students and not be able to provide it or see that it occurs. That desire is not wrong. However, I do not think that, in this case, it was right to tell the parents they are being "unfair." Even though it was not meant to harm, it does seem like this was disrespectful. Perhaps asking her parents more about their culture and why Noora was marrying so young would help clarify the situation. You might then be able to calmly have a long discussion about Noora's possible future in academics and beyond. Would these two lifestyles have to be completely separate? I would also ask Noora what she wants to do. Just because she might choose marriage now over further education or other careers, certainly does not mean she has wasted anything. She may come back to work in those fields.