Home | How It Works | Stats Login | Register         Case: Don't Hold Hands Ade and Elsa are two 7th grade girls from Indonesia who joined our school couple months ago. I teach them Physical Science. They have well-developed English skills. Although they have an accent, they can communicate with teachers and fellow students. I am very sensitive to the needs of newly-arrived immigrant students, so I paid close attention when I heard rumors from other students about them. Students started spreading that Ade and Elsa were in a lesbian relationship. Apparently Ade and Elsa heard about the rumors; they came to me in tears. I asked them to tell me what was going on. What I found out was very interesting. Ade and Elsa have known each other since they were small children and they have always been best friends. Their families decided to move to the US together. Their fathers applied for jobs in the same company. They both received offers and moved together. Ade and Elsa were excited about going to the same school in US and continuing their friendship. In Indonesia, same-gender friends holding hands is very common and indicates friendship. When children at our school saw Ade and Elsa holding hands they thought that Ade and Elsa were in a lesbian relationship. I have to do something about this. I see two options before me: I will explain to the children in my classes that friends holding hands in some cultures is completely normal, or I will tell Ade and Elsa to not hold hands to avoid these rumors. The second option seems culturally insensitive, but if Ade and Elsa continue holding hands, rumors will continue even if I explain to my students the cultural side of their friendship. What should I do? If you have an original solution to this issue, please advice. Solution: (Rates are posted for this solution!) I am sure that both Ade and Elsa are in "culture shock" in many areas, and this hand holding incident is probably just icing on the cake. In their process of understanding the many nuances in the culture of their middle school it is great that they have a teacher like you to come to when things are going on that they simply don't understand. Since it does seem like you have developed a relationship with these students and are probably helping them to understand many other aspects of American culture, I think it would be in line for you to explain to them what hand holding means in American culture. Since the girls are new to the country, it is a good time to teach them about the culture. Now, it would have to be up to the girls to decide how they wanted to respond to the knowledge that hand holding in America represents a romantic relationship. They could choose to continue holding hands as they did in Indonesia and explain to others what it means in Indonesian culture. Or, they could choose to assimilate into the American culture. This is going to be a choice that they are going to have to make repeatedly as they transition to the new country. It would be wise for this school to undergo some sort of cultural counseling to educate the population about various cultures and promote the idea of acceptance and respect across the board.