Home | How It Works | Stats Login | Register         Case: Don't Hold Hands Ade and Elsa are two 7th grade girls from Indonesia who joined our school couple months ago. I teach them Physical Science. They have well-developed English skills. Although they have an accent, they can communicate with teachers and fellow students. I am very sensitive to the needs of newly-arrived immigrant students, so I paid close attention when I heard rumors from other students about them. Students started spreading that Ade and Elsa were in a lesbian relationship. Apparently Ade and Elsa heard about the rumors; they came to me in tears. I asked them to tell me what was going on. What I found out was very interesting. Ade and Elsa have known each other since they were small children and they have always been best friends. Their families decided to move to the US together. Their fathers applied for jobs in the same company. They both received offers and moved together. Ade and Elsa were excited about going to the same school in US and continuing their friendship. In Indonesia, same-gender friends holding hands is very common and indicates friendship. When children at our school saw Ade and Elsa holding hands they thought that Ade and Elsa were in a lesbian relationship. I have to do something about this. I see two options before me: I will explain to the children in my classes that friends holding hands in some cultures is completely normal, or I will tell Ade and Elsa to not hold hands to avoid these rumors. The second option seems culturally insensitive, but if Ade and Elsa continue holding hands, rumors will continue even if I explain to my students the cultural side of their friendship. What should I do? If you have an original solution to this issue, please advice. Solution: (Rates are posted for this solution!) It would be helpful to the seventh grade class if they are given a multicultural lesson in characteristics of various friendships around the world. Since Ade and Elsa's classmates are assuming they are in a lesbian relationship because they are holding hands with each other at school, this would be a good opportunity in the lesson to illustrate a characteristic that is common in Indonesian friendships—hand holding. Equally, Ade and Elsa could be informed (privately, with only Ade, Elsa, and the teacher in attendance) as to why their behavior is eliciting the rumors from their classmates. Ade and Elsa should not be made to feel as if their expression of friendship is wrong; they should simply be made aware of why their classmates would assume that their friendship is more than just that. For instance, the teacher can tell them that holding hands is infrequent among middle schools students of the same gender and is typically deemed more acceptable among elementary and pre-school aged children of the same gender. I would not tell the girls to stop holding hands because this is a part of their culture.