Home | How It Works | Stats Login | Register         Case: Don't Hold Hands Ade and Elsa are two 7th grade girls from Indonesia who joined our school couple months ago. I teach them Physical Science. They have well-developed English skills. Although they have an accent, they can communicate with teachers and fellow students. I am very sensitive to the needs of newly-arrived immigrant students, so I paid close attention when I heard rumors from other students about them. Students started spreading that Ade and Elsa were in a lesbian relationship. Apparently Ade and Elsa heard about the rumors; they came to me in tears. I asked them to tell me what was going on. What I found out was very interesting. Ade and Elsa have known each other since they were small children and they have always been best friends. Their families decided to move to the US together. Their fathers applied for jobs in the same company. They both received offers and moved together. Ade and Elsa were excited about going to the same school in US and continuing their friendship. In Indonesia, same-gender friends holding hands is very common and indicates friendship. When children at our school saw Ade and Elsa holding hands they thought that Ade and Elsa were in a lesbian relationship. I have to do something about this. I see two options before me: I will explain to the children in my classes that friends holding hands in some cultures is completely normal, or I will tell Ade and Elsa to not hold hands to avoid these rumors. The second option seems culturally insensitive, but if Ade and Elsa continue holding hands, rumors will continue even if I explain to my students the cultural side of their friendship. What should I do? If you have an original solution to this issue, please advice. Solution: (Rates are posted for this solution!) I think this predicament leaves you with a number of opportunities for communication, education, and advocacy. I imagine the girls, already sensitive to the teasing, have spoken to their parents about what is going on at school. Therefore, I think it would be helpful for you to reach out to the parents. You can establish communication as a general "check-in" and allow the parents to mention their concerns, if they have any. If the topic arises, I would assure the parents that you are aware of the situation and the school is working to resolve it. As for education, I think it would be very beneficial to educate your students about Ade and Elsa's culture. By the same token, Ade and Else could benefit from some additional information regarding American culture. If your discussion of the Indonesian culture could be sandwich into a larger cultural unit, it would make your intentions less obvious and the girls less ostracized. As for making the decision to stop holding hands, I think that rests with the girls themselves. You can encourage them to become their own advocates, speaking up for their culture when they are teased, or allow them to make the choice they are most comfortable with overall.